India's Lgbtqa+ Digital Magazine-Everything to know about Queer community

STEP BY STEP PROCESS OF COMING OUT

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Coming out is when someone tells someone about their sexual orientation or preferences or their identity. We live in a society that has thought for a long time that everyone is attracted to the only opposite sex. They forget to see or think why can’t people love or get attracted to same-sex or person gets attracted to both the male & female(Bisexuals) or they not be interested in any sexual attraction(Asexual) or a person can be transgender. When we understand our ancient Indian culture everyone will understand that homosexuality or Bisexuality or Asexuality or Transgender was not an issue those times. People are allowed to be with whoever they are attracted to. The recent invasions have totally changed our ancient perspective. But still, as we are civilized and educated, we all can think from a broader perspective that these labeling or sexual orientations are not going to change who we are or our values or principles. Understanding this takes a lot of time and patience as our previous generations have just grown up with the same thought process and attitude so when somethings get changed they are not ready to accept it immediately. So because of all this pressure, I have noticed many Lgbtq+ people struggle a lot to come out to their families and friends.

Coming out is not a sudden process, it has to be planned step by step when you are living in a culture like India. It takes lots of time for the families to process it. Not all family members are like that, there are few family members they really understand the whole process when their son/daughter come out to them.So let us see the step by step process.

As always i get this question “When is the proper time or place for me to come out”? My answer is as always there is no such proper time or place to come out. When you are 100% ready to come out then that is the proper time. so before coming out to others understand these small things

STEP 1 : BE SURE – MAKE YOURSELF READY TO TELL

  • Stay calm, Be Positive and Build your confidence
  • Make sure that you are ready to tell yourself. It is not out of some pressure you are coming out.

STEP 2 : BE PREPARED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS

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  • When you are ready to inform your family about yourself, then it is must you prepare for all the questions and answers.
  • Educate yourself with the concept. if you know yourself fully, it is easier for you to convey to others easily.
  • Take things seriously, Do not miscommunicate anything, Remember your family or friends they are very new to these preferences, so it is our duty to inform them clearly with all the details and your feelings.

STEP 3 : BE CALM AND PATIENCE

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  • This is a much-needed one for all the people planning to come out to their family or friends.
  • You may be bombarded with a lot of questions or some of your family members may provoke you or they may not understand or they may mock you. Parents will be shocked hearing it so instead of shouting at them.
  • Try to answer all their concerns to make them understand what you are going through.
  • Do not think that parents will understand immediately, they won’t so stay calm, be positive, and make them understand until they get to know you.
  • Remember that when you identified yourself it took you a lot of time to convince yourself so the same is what happens when you come out to your parents and friends.
  • Give them time and space to think.

STEP 4 : THINK ABOUT TO WHOM

  • Think about to whom you wanted to tell about your sexuality, is that someone you trust or you are planning to say to your parents.
  • Think about where you wanted to say this always choose a neutral place if it is a friend or else you can choose a safe place to discuss. Make sure that you have got plenty of time to discuss this.

STEP 5 : HOW TO WORD IT

  • Try to use simple easy words to make your people understand.
  • Do not try to overwhelm our parents or friends with so much information at once. take it slow.
  • Prioritize your information, What you want to say first, and how you are going to take the flow.
  • Always stay calm.

STEP 6 : BE READY FOR REACTIONS

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  • Remember that this is the first time they have thought of you this way as Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans/Ace. so they may have a different reaction. it may not be good sometimes.
  • Give them some time and a chance to think about what you told.
  • Do not ask them daily about what they think about you or do not explain them daily, unless they ask. When they are ready they will come again to you.

STEP 7 : GET SUPPORT

If you think you are ready and feel that you are lost of how to say or where to start. We are here to help. you can contact us for help or you can find a support team in your area.

Make sure you follow these steps and plan accordingly for your coming out process. “Happy Coming Out”. As per my own experience with other Lgbtq+ people, it is always best you come out to your family once after getting into a job and started earning by yourself. again it depends upon your situation and the mindset of your parents.

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